serinde: (brew-up)
So, a few developments for those who are not living in my brain.

1) I have a new job. My last day at Hunter was Friday, and I'm starting at Barnard on May 10th, where I will be Director of User Services (shut up). This is a big promotion-like thing, and I have moments of shrieking panic, but in my more rational moments I feel tolerably sure I can handle it. I also had the smart of giving myself some time between jobs, which I didn't really have last time 'round; I intended to spend it frolicking around in spring weather, except...

2) So that thing where I hurt my ankle at aikido and then some more in a mosh pit? It was feeling mostly better, so I kept going to class, and I kept going to yoga, and then it started to hurt somewhat when I walked, and then started hurting a lot when I walked, and I did the HMO referrals dance, and the referring ortho couldn't see me til July, and I went back and bibbled at Callen-Lorde's referral dept., and they sent me to the NYU walk-in clinic on Friday who tell me I have a chronic sprain because I haven't just let the stupid thing heal. So I have an air cast and crutches, and I'm supposed to keep off it as much as possible, and wear the (extremely ill-fitting) air cast when walking, and etc. I am coping with this with my usual grace and serenity: which is to say, hanging on by the skin of my teeth and being a whiny little bitch. I seem to have an enforced staycation, except the part where I still seem to be running around a lot. But I'm taking the bus whenever I can, and that's something, yes? In spite of the fact that some of the M66 drivers are rotten fucking people, to the point where one actually closed the doors in my face as I was about to put my foot on the step. (Some of the others are really nice, though, so I guess this evens out.)

3) I still have not hung my curtains. I faithfully swear that I shall call the landlady tomorrow and ask if we have a ladder. I have to change a light bulb anyways. Watch, I'll get them finally up and then hate how they look.

4) As far as I'm aware, we're all still supposed to put our plastic/glass recycling in clear plastic trash bags. So why do none of the stores around me sell 'em?

5) I'm having mental hysterics off-and-on that the progress I'd been making on the weight loss front will now be utterly destroyed by enforced inactivity. Because what can you do without a leg to stand on?

6) I went and asked a boy out, for a number of reasons, not least of which was to confirm that I was capable of doing so. I was ready for "yes", I was ready for "no"; I was not prepared for utter silence. The entire situation has led to numerous reflexions, including that my dating brain appears to be stuck at age 16.

7) I have Rock Band again, which makes me happy, except I really want to drum, but it's my right foot I hit the kick drum with, and that will just not do; and I prefer bass over guitar, but you can't have a solo career as a bassist (tell that to Lemmy, jerkweeds).

8) In spite of all of these bees, I'm doing pretty okay.
serinde: (ki)
I said it and I did it: I rejoined the dojo three weeks ago. I am aiming for going three times per week, but certainly not less than twice or I am censured. Ideally would be every day, and maybe a weekend session or two, but let's face it, this is not real likely.

In spite of previously-referenced inexplicable anxiety attacks, this is going pretty well. Waking up at 5:15 is complete and utter ass, as you might expect, but mostly because I'd gotten really used to lazing around with coffee for an hour before even thinking about putting pants on. I also have to make sure that every last thing is prepared when I go to bed (disgustingly early) the night before, right down to planning out what I intend to wear, so I am not stymied by last-minute fashion crises. But I actually do feel better during the day, even though I feel like I'm losing a disproportionate amount of my morning AND my evening.

I was also humbly pleased to see how many people remember me, and apparently with kindness at that. The morning class attendees are, for the most part, a non-intersecting set with the lunchtime class population, but occasionally someone will cross pollinate (and I went to the 12:15 my first day, too, since I was off work). So, um, wow.

In the "plus ├ža change" department, I did myself an injury--well, technically, someone was thrown into me, so it's not entirely my fault, except failure to get out of the way--which I then aggravated by spending six songs in a mosh pit Tuesday night; and so this week it has been wretchedly painful to sit in seiza or to roll on my left side (because that lands your opposite ankle down). I'm not going tomorrow, and will be away the weekend, so hopefully by Monday everything will be reporting for duty again.

I have been a bit moody the last week or so; which I was hoping re-starting aikido would fix my brane a bit more, but I have a sense it's more due to increased disgust at work + insufficient home-based downtime. I shall start declining invitations again and see if that helps.
serinde: (determination)
Having determined to go down and restart aikido today, I was gifted with raving anxiety both before (heart racing, explodo brain) and during (wacky dreams involving trying to get downtown via skateboard to meet people for brunch and being delayed by, first, an SCA fighter practice/hangout involving Their Majesties processing in with elephants, and then by getting into a fight with trucker guys who were unloading their shit into a bike lane) sleep. I have no idea what is triggering this bullshit, but I will none of it.

Today I also intend to shed the stigma of my NJ driver's license; the express DMV is tolerably near to the dojo, so that should work out nicely. For a trifecta, I shall either start the process for my 2nd pair of glasses, or shop for a vacuum (requirements: 1. small, 2. ACTUALLY WORKS) as my current fur-management system is wholly inadequate.
serinde: (determination)
I commit to starting aikido again next month; I commit to going at least twice and preferably thrice a week, even if this means getting up at fuck-off o'clock to make the 6:45am class or scaling down my evening entertainments (yet more) (since I keep backsliding anyways) to go to the 5:30pm class.
serinde: (ki)
...between "I don't feel anything" and "OH GOD MY ARM" is often of monofilament thickness in aikido, even when your partner is being careful & cautious. As often is the case when Luis is teaching, we were doing a lot of interesting, funky techniques that will Fuck Your Shit Up, and indeed my wrist is now fucked up after my hand was folded into sundry unnatural poses. It didn't feel too bad at the time, but by the time I got home last night I couldn't really grasp anything in my left hand. I applied an ice pack (by which I mean "a sack of frozen blueberries") and wrapped it and took ibuprofen, all of which helped, but it's still pretty stiff and sore.

It remains to be seen whether I will be able to hold a bokken today.
serinde: (ki)
Lots more bokken taisabaki this week. Boring boring boring boring boring boring boring. Useful! Important! Doing good things! But BORING.
serinde: (ki)
I had various progress posts to make over the past several weeks, but they got lost in a flood of work duh and never saw the light of day. Suffice to say, then, that class has been overwhelmingly positive for the last while. I haven't been able to go as often as I would choose (how is this different from any other time period?) but when I have gone, it's been seriously good for me.

My ukemi is improving markedly after a practice with Ruth, who gave me a good deal of enlightenment. My extension of my space is improving markedly...well, some of it is due to help from others, but much is just from things falling into place. Confidence is generally increasing, in spite of this or that block I still run into (e.g., yesterday we were doing a particular throw which requires you to go down on the inside knee. I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS go down on the outside knee instead, I don't know why. The hell of it is, it works fine that way too). Claire-sensei helps a lot with general advice and tips, and also she catches all the little goofs that I miss while concentrating on some other issue.

So, yes, a great goodness all around.
serinde: (ki)
I'd been doing pretty well at class last week & this week; and indeed was doing pretty well today until the end, where I Utterly Lost The Thread and became the king of suck. Naturally that was in groups, so lots of people got to see it. Yay.

I ended up getting a yolato cone on the way home to salve my nerves. My sadness knows no bounds of time or space. (At least it's low-fat, I guess.)
serinde: (ki)
It's above 80 today, and my bad knee is acting up, and it's been a cursed morning. The lizard brain was making serious headway against my resolve. Fortunately, with [livejournal.com profile] sweh's help and Midwestern Guilt Ethic cunningly applied, I got up and went to class.

Did overheat--I am well out of what passes for peak condition for me--and I was having something of a short bus day, making various technical mistakes that I seriously know better than to do (and the more so when it's been pointed out to me); but very worthwhile.
serinde: (ki)
Today's big event was that I injured someone with my shinbone.

That is, we were doing randori; I was standing against the wall, waiting my turn; and Bob got thrown a little too hard with a little too little space and came crashing into me. (Minus ten points to me for woolgathering & not getting out of the way.) Specifically, his legs whacked into mine at right angles, a shin-to-shin encounter. Within ten minutes, he had a swollen purple lump the size of my fist at the point of impact. I have...something that might turn into a small bruise. Fear me!

Have missed a lot of last two weeks due to workload, late arrivals, and sundry other chaos. It felt really good to be back, especially as I think much of my yesterday's twitchiness was lack of serious exercise. However, I seem to have backslid more into preemptive tension: that is, I'm convinced that something is going to hurt, so I tense up, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hopefully I'll be able to beat it into shape more quickly the second time 'round, though the fact that my shoulders still don't work quite right really is not helping.

YES.

Feb. 6th, 2007 02:32 pm
serinde: (ki)

I

am

BACK!


I am not at 100%, no, not by a long chalk. For instance, I can't even begin to suffer the nikkyo pin on my right side. But! I can roll, and I can throw (carefully), and my kokyu-ho rocks the house.

Amusing side benefit: I was so busy being worried about my shoulder, I forgot I was afraid of taking ukemi for jujinage, and carried it off just fine.

Not Mine.

Jan. 16th, 2007 09:58 am
serinde: (self-control)
The shoulder specialist last week said my strength was looking pretty good, and I might try going back to aikido if I felt up to it (but if it hurts, don't do that).

So, as a quick test, I just had [livejournal.com profile] dariodevil try shihonage and ikkyo on me, with the hopes of going at lunch today.

So Not Happening.

Wah.
serinde: (ki)
I haven't posted much about aikido in the last while, I know. This is not because I'm not going--well, I haven't been won a gold star for attendance over the summer, but I am going--and more because I haven't really had a lot to say. My skill is improving in small ways, but I'm a bit plateaued out; and also the new lizard brain tactic is to try and tell me it's boring. E.g., "oh look, morotetori AGAIN, how thrilling, what time is it?". This vexes me and although, by the end of class, I feel good and energetic and relaxed and even somewhat serene at times, it colors my desire to write out my thoughts.

I'm definitely rusty this week, not having gone at all last week on account of X-TREEM heat (over 100 is just ridiculous), and the week before having been patchy for various reasons. But today was a pleasing workout, not too easy and not too crazy, and I'm smug about a lot of rolling correctly out of jujinage. I'm not saying I'm completely sanguine about it, or any of the others where my arms are locked up when I start to roll, but palpable progress, yes.

also:

Jul. 12th, 2006 03:16 pm
serinde: (ki)
After only three and a half years, I've finally learned what the four directions of shihonage ( = "Four Direction Throw") are.

(I overheard a discussion in the hallway while I was changing wherein someone else was saying the exact same thing to Keith; and he responded that a lot of people, even black belts, don't know it either. I missed most of the rest but I *think* he was saying something about how it's part of what you learn if you train in one particular {style? school? tradition?}. Interesting.)
serinde: (ki)
In spite of 90 degree heat, pukey humidity, and all sorts of OMG THE AIR WILL KIIIILL YOU warnings, I slogged forth to aikido today. Subject notwithstanding, I can't really chalk it up to pure virtue, more a question of gaming my weaknesses--I was annoyed and knew this would make me feel better; I got a bagel for breakfast on the understanding that I'd work it off, and though I am good at rationalization, that's more along the range of a Deal, which I can't break; I keep missing Mondays and I didn't want to punk out on Claire's class again out of some dumb idea she'd take it personally, which is of course deeply silly; etc.

Claire does take especial care on super-hot days to choose techniques that are less arduous, which is not something you can say for all of the senseis. Nevertheless, I was beet-red and headachy by the time we were done. But virtuous! So full of virtue, I could just burst with it. And there will be pool splashing when I get home, which is fun AND exercise-laden. (Though it might be less so without Eli attempting to run me down with the Motorized Command Vessel that [livejournal.com profile] arkham1010 kindly endowed upon us.)

Also sleepy. Very, very bursting with sleep. (This happens when I go on really hot days; it's not an actual tiredness thing--my body is at a decent energy level--it's something mental, or physical but in my skull, I can't quite tell which.)
serinde: (ki)
Only that's good, this time. Because it was knife techniques in class today. BRING IT, BITCHES.

And I came perilously close to punking out, too. This in spite of sundry facts like a) I've been going crazy for lack of exercise, b) it's not actually hot today (humid, yes, but not warm), c) oh y'know I REALLY ENJOY IT, and d) I had to drop off a new router, custom-configured by my own fair hands--this is to do with yesterday's sheer screaming hell, which I will not get into at this time--to a customer a mere block away from the dojo. Fuck you, lizard brain, fuck you with a barbed-wire fencepost.

Anyways, this is leading me to formulate a terribly original bit of wisdom, something about virtue being its own reward.
serinde: (ki)
I didn't get to practice all last week due to my knee being messed up (with what Dr. Nick believes is bursitis, for which no remedy but time and rest; feh). I went yesterday and it was...unwise. Might try tomorrow and take it Extra Special Super Easy, though somehow my best intentions for that never quite happen.

It's driving me stir crazy.

Also, why the fuck do I never get injured in the summer, instead of wasting all this nice cool weather when I could be working myself into a lather?
serinde: (ki)
That is, "I overdid it yesterday and I feel like I've been beaten with clubs; is it prudent to refrain from going to class today & let myself rest, or am I just being a Goddamn pansy?" After three years, I still don't know where the dividing line is. Bah.

Yesterday was...useful. Indisputably good for me. But, as with most things that are good for us, the first descriptive that comes to tongue isn't good. Basically, David and I were forced out of our usual cruising speeds by being in a randori group (for most of the class period, at that) with two extremely energetic and stamina-enabled others. And though usually in randori you get a bit of a break because there's six or seven people in the group, Michael-sensei never countenances more than four people per (and he prefers three), so it is the diametric opposite of getting a break. Thus, I got an epic-level workout, with the panting and wheezing and overheated and dehydration; and, did I mention, my old nemesis koshinage? So added to this was lots of me falling like a thousand of brick.

But I needed the workout, and God knows I needed the koshinage practice. I actually did it right a few times, GO ME, and some times where I did not do it quite right but at least didn't do myself injury. Truth is that I just need to do it enough until I force my body to perform the actions that my brain knows it should be doing, but we don't do it very often in class, so in between times it all retreats behind a fossilized wall of trepidation.

Mind, I still don't know if I should go today.

...Which probably means I should.

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