Dear Houppelande: please go away

I need to get a floor- or ankle-length black evening gown for an event in April. I made an initial recce last Saturday, which was (to say the least) unpromising; but, thought I, we saw a whole bunch on department store web sites when scouting a few weeks ago, so perhaps I can get them to order a few in.

Well, not no' mo'. Spring fashions are in and black dresses mostly out, though there are indeed some (because it's classic and all), but what there is sucks; apparently it's been decreed that we are All About The V-Shaped Halter Top this year.

This is a design that looks fucking awful on me.

I don't want to have to make an evening gown. I strongly suspect my tech level isn't high enough to deal with the fancy slippery fabrics. And I'm pretty suckmoid at linings yet, too.