serinde: (ki)
Today marks the end of two (work) weeks of the New Regime; I get out of bed at 6am, do half an hour of yoga to Dengue Fever's "Cannibal Corpse", make a cup of tea or coffee (depending on the day), and drink that while I write morning pages for half an hour. Then I get ready for work and all that. Weekends are slack-permissible. I have fought the lizard brain down and not missed a day, in spite of tiredness, malaise, and purring cats.

Therefore the lizard brain has developed a new tactic. "It's been two weeks," it whispers. "What's changed? It's not doing any good. You might as well sleep in, or lounge in bed petting a kitty."

This is, of course, arrant nonsense. No, doing yoga hasn't made me lose weight--but I knew it wouldn't; not even when I was doing an hour of it three days a week. That's what the bike is for. And yes, my left leg is still very weak and not able to keep up--but it will take more than two stupid weeks to make that happen and I know this because I have been in physical therapy enough to be clear on how long it takes to see progress, particularly with a chronically, multiply screwed-up limb like this. The yoga's purpose is to keep me loose and flexible and to kick-start my metabolism in the morning, and it is doing those things. Secondarily I'm wanting it to help me get into that meditative, Zen-ish state, but this is harder when I have to tell myself what pose to do next rather than just follow a teacher.

Similarly, no, writing morning pages hasn't cured me of mental wharrgarbl and emotional roller-coasters & confusion--but that's not what it does. It drags all of that out into the open to be looked at, understood, and hopefully addressed. Eventually, yes, one expects a milder internal climate, but this is an ongoing and extended process and not to be sorted in a couple of weeks.

Finally, it has not cracked me loose on more public writing; one notes that my last Foojournal post was the one describing what new regime I was enacting, and there's been nothing since, here or elsewhere. OTOH, I have been focused on sewing, and secondarily research. So mental things are moving, and I will take that as a reason for cautious optimism. Wait and see, I think.

The milestones I'm looking for sound something like this:
* Getting up and doing being a reflexive habit, not a mental dialogue every. single. morning.
* Signs of my left leg getting stronger. Right now, rising into high and then crescent lunge is very difficult and shaky. My end-goal is for it to be as stable as my right side, but I'll take any visible improvement to start with. (Hilariously, I'm perfectly fine in Tree pose on that side, which is generally considered much harder. i do not even.)
* When I have any kind of mental agitas, correctly identifying and using the right tools to deal with it; which, I think, exhibits as "not losing several hours/an evening to wallowing, moping, internet uselessness, or other unhelpful and unproductive behaviors". This doesn't mean I can't slack if I feel that's the right pill for my ill, but it should be an active and mindful choice. (I can actually point to a level-up here; on Tuesday, I suddenly felt un-obsessed with the dress I'd been working monomaniacally on, and was sliding down the rabbit hole of totally wasting the evening. I stopped myself, sat down, and wrote down a list of everything I didn't feel like doing. After that, I realized I kinda felt like finally organizing my contact synchronization and upgrading my laptop to Mountain Lion, both of which needed doin'. Profit!)

I'm hoping that when the weather breaks and I can ride my bike more, this will help reinforce the benefits I'm getting, too. It usually puts me in a better state for the day (and also reduces my appetite, yay).
serinde: (determination)
[personal profile] serinde: This is another element of the thought I had this morning, about how I think part of the reason I am so emotionally out of whack these last couple weeks is due to lack of time for reflection and writing and things.
[ profile] nedlnthred: *nods*
[ profile] nedlnthred: Kinda hafta schedule down time in when the calendar gets like this.
[ profile] nedlnthred: I'd hoped to have some last night, but alas.
[personal profile] serinde: The other element is that I do not have the oomph to do any of these things after work. And there is only so much morning to go around, unless I want to be like [ profile] cobrawoman and get up at 4:30.
[personal profile] serinde: Maybe it is the right answer, but I mean, ulaeulauelauelauelae.
[ profile] nedlnthred: Yeah, I learned a while back that I can only do one thing before work.
[personal profile] serinde: I have the bandwidth if I had the time.
[ profile] nedlnthred: But scheduling an hour of down time for tea after work, before meeting whomever is one option.
[personal profile] serinde: In fact it would be really glorious to do half an hour of yoga, then make a cup of tea, then write and drink tea for half an hour, and then get ready for work.
[personal profile] serinde: OH HEY IF IT IS GLORIOUS I SHOULD DO IT
serinde: (what has this flag become?)
As I type this on the aged repurposed-from-work MacBook at the country estate, I have another window which is an OS X Screen Sharing session back to gfefx, on my desk at home; on which is running my last ever session of City of Heroes. And I can't even as who should say play, because between the screen resolution mismatches and the lossage over the connection and the fact that the Mac client is a mess inside a WINE wrapper anyways, if I tried to actually enter a combat the entire thing would probably go foom. So I'm standing on the steps of Atlas Park holding a torch instead of going to bed, whence [ profile] sweh has already retired, charitably not saying anything about my insanity. Why?

CoH has been a major part of my world for the last eight years. A bit less in the last couple, true; but before that time, I was online nearly every day. I started playing in September 2004, while [ profile] audiovile was noodling with World of Warcraft; soon I got him into it, and then [ profile] elibalin, then [personal profile] xlerb, then others. Some of our D&D group joined; then some of Steve's co-workers; occasionally Dave or Johan or [personal profile] ideological_cuddle. We settled on Sunday nights as our regular supergroup nights, and on other evenings Steve and I would go out as a duo, or Eli and I as the Team Supreme, or random other pick-up groups.
More memories and shibboleths ahoy )

There's so many more, and I'll probably think of them in the morning.

Four minutes to go.

Here comes the Nothing.
serinde: (determination)
So I am back from Pennsic, and quite a war it was--if not in the sense that most people mean it, because I did not see a single battle, and had absolutely no notion on how the tally was going. The entire first half of the week was chiefly swallowed by last-minute sweatshops to finish up a sideless surcoat for a sewing buddy who was being elevated to the Order of the Laurel at court on Wed. evening, which we accomplished, with just enough time to clean up and change and sneak into the back before the ceremony. (There are several disparate rants which are attached to all of that, but I won't get into it now.) It did look fucking awesome, I'm here to tell you. But it is not what I want to spend my vacation doing, so our mantra for next year is Read My Lips, No New Peerages.

The weather was hot and sticky for just about the whole time, except the first night, which was ass-freezing cold (and due to a certain amount of bed jumping, I ended up with insufficient blanketry). This drained my energy and my will to live considerable-like, especially since with other commitments in play I couldn't spend the nasty hours planted in the swimming hole. I'm stuck facing the fact that my chosen century in conjunction with my natural endowment dooms me to unhappiness in hot weather. (LITTLE ICE AGE, PEOPLE!) I was reasonably comfortable in my lighter gamurra, but, I mean, wah. I also kept stealing Beth's bog dress, and was surprised to learn I could wear it without a bra and not be utterly miserable, at least as long as I was just lounging and walking--trying to perform tasks in it (even just washing the dishes or picking up around camp) led to bQQbie issues.

I did, however, exhibit in the A&S display for the first time. I had been dithering about it but, upon receipt of a double-barrelled blast from Beth and Greta, I was all "aaaaaaaaaaa yes yes please don't hurt me", and bodged together some docco on Friday. The display was two dresses, my older green GFD top layer (which I was wearing) and my new checked wool one (on the table), with comments on the differences and learnings gathered therefrom. Mine did not garner a lot of attention from the punters, because it is not ZOMG SHINY, but I was prepared for that; and almost without exception, the people who did stop to take note of it were the serious cats. And I believe I handled the questions they threw at me in a competent fashion. So, I think that can be considered a win. And at least I finished the eyelets on my other new dress in the six fucking hours I was sitting in the sun.

However, about 3 or 4 people either asked if, or assumed that, I had woven the fabric myself. O_O If that's the level we're dealing with, I am so fucking going back to wench-wear. (A propos of which, Real Clothes are too hard to get into and out of, so for Slutty Party Wear I am going to research period prostitute clothing, if indeed it was much different, and see if I can come up with something entertaining. Oh look, more excuses to watch Dangerous Beauty.)

I got a shiny! I have been awarded the Bronze Tower for service to the Barony of Settmour Swamp, chiefly for my helping-out on Troll shifts for Swamp events, and other instances of being my usual domovoi self. I even have a scroll.

Um. Also. There was this boy.
I feel like me again for the first time in years, and by that I mean "long before the breakup".
To [ profile] mangosteen: That "GLAH" business you used to bust my chops about? That.
serinde: (Cygnus X-1)
I woke up today with a feeling of upset and off-kilter-ness, in part due to a dream I shall not recount at this time. Today at work kinda sucked rather lots, which didn't help. I came home intending to cut out the lining for a new 14th c. overdress (running a copy of my green wool one that has garnered acclaim) (because yes it's great but I NEED TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE OUTFIT FDJKLSFJDKLJF) (ahem.) (It shall be, per pale, black velvet and gold-tapestry-woven-with-a-diamond-and-fleur-de-lis-pattern.) (Should I counterchange the sleeves?) (Am I speaking in LISP?). Instead, in the middle of ironing, I felt myself getting more and more agitated, unable to settle for the state of the apartment as it is, with things bursting out of closets and cluttered dresser tops I can't dust and STILL A BOX OF BOOKS UNPACKED and and and and. So I pulled apart closets and have been rearranging and letting things go and so on. It is going promisingly so far, and I feel calmer and less agitated. So maybe no new dress to fit this weekend, but it seems that I needed to do this thing.

I think I'm even ready to let go my boom box. This is a large entity Mom gave me when I went away to college. The tape decks don't really work so well, the CD player works but is fussy; chiefly I use it for radio (or CDs) when I'm playing games at the computer and so don't want gfefx also playing music. It has really good sound for its size, but...the size. It's huge. It takes up half of my dresser. It could be replaced. What I replace it with won't sound as good, but does it really matter?

If I can sort out a way to keep all the sewing stuff together and accessible, I will have done a good evening's work.
serinde: (body)
Postulate 1: If it's really hot, you don't feel like eating.
Postulate 2: If it's cold, you tend to eat more.
Postulate 3: Our societal ass started spreading in the 70s, when air conditioning became more prevalent, and has increased unto the present day, where central air is all over the place (and the average set temperature is lower).
Theorem: Air conditioning makes you fat.

... in which case I shoulda lost weight this summer. Perhaps I should have bought a scale first.
serinde: (brew-up)
The Vehicles:
* 600GB internal hard drive
* 750GB hard drive (yclept U-Haul) rescued from Old Gfefx, currently in an external enclosure connected by USB
* [Stuff I Might Buy.]

The Passengers:
* Day to day computering wossnames: OS X, general files and what not
* Perfect archive copies of all my CDs [not extant yet], so I can put the physical media in storage
* MP3s, of which there are Many
* Theoretical: ripped versions of all my DVDs, so I can store them too
* Probable: WinXP partition, because every now and again I do want to re-play Baldur's Gate II or KOTOR
* Backups of all the above

The question is, fundamentally, how to divide up the extant disk acreage in the most sensible, sustainable fashion? E.g., it seems to me that putting the CD archive on the same physical disk as the backup drive means that one is fucked gloriously if the drive eats itself. OTOH, as [ profile] sweh pointed out, since I will still own the hard copies, it is merely a case of labor, not complete loss.

I could try and stuff all the data onto gfefx' internal hard drive, and just use U-Haul for backups; this should fit everything above easily, I think, unless I do the DVDs, in which case it will be not enough. And then, is connecting via USB solid and quick and reliable for backups? Not to mention that the iMac only has two USB ports, and I do have other USB things I need to plug in from time to time, and there will be more if I succumb to temptation and get an iPhone in the next month. (Yes, I could get a USB hub, but they really do not seem reliable; I have witnessed repeated cases of devices just not being recognized when plugged into one or another.) Firewire seems to be what in The Apple Way is intended for this, but this enclosure supports it not.

Oh, and then there's the question of larger-capacity portability; what if I need to move more data than fits on a flash drive? Should I look into one of those wee portable 75GB things? Do I actually have a need for one, and should I factor it into the architecture?

I still have to decide for sure in what fashion & format I will archive the CDs, but that is outside the scope of the current study; I think the options don't materially affect the above.

Suggestions are solicited, unless it's LOL Y U PLAY GAMEZ, in which case I will slap you with a wet fish.
serinde: (self-control)
9:30am and movers not here yet. This is because I'm entirely packed and ready to go. If I were still frantically running in circles, they would have been here at 8:45. I assume they're just lost, or afraid of the ghetto, or something.

...Or they've lost my order. please God no

Edit: Yep. Sure did. Apparently going through 15 minutes of online signing sites was insufficient confirmation, and I was supposed to magically know to then call them back with my credit card.

The revolution has been postponed 'til tomorrow.
As expected, for summer hours I have two train choices: "too early" and "too late". The 6:31 train got me here at 7:40, and it would have been slightly earlier except that I had to wait an unusually long time for the F. (The next train, 6:56, generated an arrival time of ~8:13.) I am also deeply offended that I have to be leaving the house earlier than I had been accustomed to getting up. I didn't much mind getting up stupid early for exercise purposes, but this is weaksauce.

The 6:31 train was mobbed. WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA. It is to be noted that the connector was much less so, and you coulda fired a cannon through the subway car I was on; thus I can extrapolate that most of that mob was going to Wall St. and/or Exchange Place. Well, and there you have it. But one of the few crumbs of consolation I was expecting out of this was a nice empty train for 20 minutes, and I find this is Not Mine.
serinde: (Default)
I see a clear need for some kind of wall-hanging projection-y thing which can sync with (Google Calendar|iCal|Outlook|whatever), and display whatever's going on today for whomsoever is desired. This way the entire household could have a large obvious place to see the same information. It's sort of filling the same niche as the big eraseable whiteboard calendars, but it would mean you don't have to write out information you already have in a computerized format.

This thought is brought to you by never-ending iterations of "Oh, was that TODAY?" and "did anyone change the catbox?".

And while I'm at it, how about an indexed inventory of my clothes and shoes, so I could say "I want to wear my grey skirt today; what tops will go with it?" And if I then select, e.g., my blue leopard print sweater, I could then get a list of what shoes I'd already determined will work with that combination. Selectable on any element of the outfit, naturally; possibly including jewelry. Previously I hadn't much of a need for this, but with the dual whammies of new work clothes and having to achieve a certain level of Appropriate, a lot of mornings end up with me running late and a giant pile of clothes on the bed as I howl "That doesn't work EITHER!!1". [ profile] sweh advocated index cards for this. Index cards?! Feh! Are we not the 21st century? I demand an overcomplicated technical solution.


serinde: (Default)

September 2013

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