Introspection 'r' us.

[serinde]

Last night, coming home after seeing _Gangs of New York_ (great movie! Go see it! Now! Why are you still standing there?!), I was talking to Steve about how I'm almost a little disturbed by how happy aikido makes me; my mood is easy to influence, but it was the tiniest bit scary how huge an effect going to class has on me. Even though it's good, it's...dramatic.

He pointed out that this was something, not only that I enjoy greatly, but that I discovered on my own. And it's true; since I tend to imprint like unto a baby duckling, practically all of the hobbies and interests I've had over the years have been the result of someone else's influence. Gaming and history and bibliomania from my parents, theater from Peggy, comics from Rich, SCA and costuming from Beth, and so on. Aikido was something I went out and found on my own, with neither reference to nor influence from anyone else.

Thinking on this, I also realized: the only _other_ thing that comes close to making me as ecstatic as aikido is gardening--which I also picked up my own, but not quite as independently.

I'm not sure what this means, or how significant it is. The implication seems to be along the lines of "stop defining yourself in terms of everyone else", something which I already knew I have to deal with, but I wasn't aware that my psyche is standing by with positive reinforcement at the ready.