Feeding my head

[serinde]

Last night was the lecture by Michel Pastoureau on "How is a History of Colors Possible?" at the Bard Graduate Center. (This is where Beth is doing her PhD.)

I was pretty blown away. I mean, it was a brief (maybe hour and change) lecture, and mostly about the problems of doing the research than the research itself (he has many books for that, after all); but the matters Pastoureau has been looking at for the past 20 years is exactly what I'm interested in. I was all fired up to go apply to grad school myself.

--And that's something I've thought of before. But here's the thing: Grad school is fucking expensive. I see the kind of debt that accumulates, and our joint income is probably too high for me to get jack shit for financial aid. I could keep working, and then have no life whatsoever for N years. And then once I were to get this shiny prize, what do I do with it? I'd be a crap teacher; I'm legendary for my bad explanations. (I did talk to Beth's friend Lori at the reception about this; she's doing her dissertation on fashion in the 14th century now. She intends to keep her day job, and just research & publish. Hmm.) And then there's the point that I'm getting to the move-or-die point with respect to spawning. If I'm gonna do it, I'd best be doing it soon; and I am reasonably confident I would be driven mad in purple linen if I tried to be a mother AND work AND go to grad school. Just attempting any two of those is Herculean.

But, even if I do not dive headlong into the academic mire, I know that I want to buy and devour this man's books.

Comments

[otherwise-nyc.livejournal.com]

Grad school might not be as expensive as you think, depending on where you want to go -- CUNY is $2,860 for in-state students, about $4200 for out-of-state (per semester for the first two years, less after that). Lots of places manage to comp tuition even if they don't give you any other funding; and there are lots of fellowships to apply for anywhere you go.

I'm not particularly interested in teaching as the only thing I'd do; I'm good at it, but I assume I will find teaching undergrads exactly as frustrating as one might expect. My friend Alexandra says it sounds like I want to be a "public academic," which is about right -- I want some shiny letters after my name so that when I get mouthy in various print venues, people are slightly more likely to listen.

Momming+work+grad school==crazymaking, I'm sure. Not undoable, but wicked hard. Um, I dunno. Look hard at budget and see what's the minimum income you'd need to make that all work? Maybe it would be less than full-time work, which would be (slightly) easier to manage.

And you'll have a squad of cheerleaders behind you if you decide to apply to schools, don't discount that!

[nancaurelia.livejournal.com]

How wonderful that you've found someone who's work insipres you so!

As for tuition, since you've already toyed with the idea, how about looking for a job that includes a tuition reimbursement program of some kind? Some programs don't require the courses to be related to your work. Any chance of a job at Bard that might give you free tuition?

As for what you might do with a higher degree if you had one, or when to have children... uh... gee those are good questions, huh?

[lillilah]

I have no other advice to add beyond what has already been said, so instead I'll say "Go You!!". It is good to have options.