An Excerpt From The Book of the Student

[serinde]

1. And the Aspirant did wait for the hour of the Non-Degree Students to arrive; and at the time appointed, she entered through the maw of eSIMS to register for her course.
2. But lo, all seats of the course were taken, and no space was to be had, for the rat-bastard undergrads had been there before her.
3. And the Aspirant did grieve,
4. but grew calm and consulted, yea, even with her minions did she consult; for though young in years they were old in school cunning.
5. And the minions did counsel her, Go thou unto the Professor, and abase thyself before him, and say thou unto him:
6. "Behold! Here am I, a poor student and slave of the College, and much do I desire to take this thy course, but eSIMS permitteth not my entry. Therefore do I beseech and implore thee to grant me an Overtally, that I may take it unto the Registrar, who may override eSIMS."
7. And the Aspirant was comforted, and went to the Registrar to obtain the Form of Overtally; but the Registrar said unto her, This Form have we not, for each Department hath its own form.
8. The Aspirant sighed deeply, but went to the Department, and was sore mazed by the curious and nonsensical numbering of the offices therein; but eventually she discovered the Departmental Admin Assistants. But they said unto her, This Form have we not, for we do not acknowledge the Overtally.
9. And the Aspirant was sore afraid, and replied to them, But I have no other section I can take, for I am a slave of the College; and lo, the section is full; may I not abase myself before the Professor and beg him to judge my case?
10: And the Admin Assistants replied unto her, This thou may not do, for the Professor judgeth not in this manner. Thou must instead abase thyself before the Undergraduate Italian Advisor; and she will judge thee. Seek her here on Monday between 1 and 2pm.
11: And the Aspirant perceived a flaw, and replied unto the Admin Assistants, But the course beginneth Monday morning, yea, even at 8:10am beginneth it.
12: But the Admin Assistants said only, Thus are her office hours.
13. And the Aspirant returned to her desk, sunken in sorrow, and the Minions saw her woe, and spoke of it in whispers.
14. Finally the wisest of the Minions spake unto the Aspirant, and said, Wherefore dost thou grieve?
15. And the Aspirant told of her fruitless quest, but the Minion said unto her, Do not grieve. For thou shouldst abase yourself before the Professor on the first morning of class, yea, even as we spoke of; for who has ever heard that a Professor has not the power to judge?
16. And the Aspirant was comforted, and resolved to do that thing.


8. And it came to pass that the next morning the Aspirant did awake, even before the dawn did she arise, and crawled forth from bed to fetch coffee, and thought unto herself, Jesus H. Christ, is it fucking cold in here; I pray that the heating-oil men shall come today.
9. And the Aspirant sorrowed greatly for the paradise from which she had been cast, but comforted herself with a bacon sarnie.
10. And with haste and cursing at the lateness of trains did she make her way into the presence of the Professor, and sat through the first class, and was even more desirous of being accepted unto it.
11. And whilst the students straggled to the language lab for orientation, the Aspirant saluted the Professor, and said unto him:
12. O Professor, live thou forever!
13. I am not enrolled in this course, for eSIMS permitteth not me; and yet, my desire to take it is great and unbounded, and I am accustomed to getting here by 8am, which few students can maintain.
14. I am diligent and conscientious, and lo, I do slave for the college, such that other sections suiteth me not;
15. therefore, beseech I thee, permit me an Overtally.
16. And the Professor looked upon the Aspirant with kindness, and said unto her:
17. Fain would I have thee take this course, thou good and faithful student; but the judging is not mine. Go thou unto the Undergraduate Italian Advisor, and I am sure she shall judge thee fairly, and grant thy wishes.
18. And the Aspirant was worried, but took comfort, and went unto the Undergraduate Italian Advisor's office hours, becoming again sore mazed by the office numbering of the Department; but eventually did she find her way there,
19. only to find a post-it on the door saying "Office hours 2-4pm today only."
20. And the Aspirant sighed deeply, and gently bonked her head into the wall, but returned again at 3pm, becoming less lost this time;
21. and spake she unto the Undergraduate Italian Advisor, who cut short her tale of woe, and pronounced merely:
22. WHAT IS THY NAME AND THE COURSE ID?
23. And the Aspirant tremblingly offered up those words,
24. upon which the Advisor spoke once more, saying:
25. LOG INTO ESIMS LATER AND THOU SHALT BE REGISTERED.
26. And the Aspirant departed rejoicing.

Comments

[wildemoose.livejournal.com]

This is made of win.

[caelfinn.livejournal.com]

And you say you have no stories to write. This is wonderful and funny!

Brava, for your persistence!

[ilaine-dcmrn.livejournal.com]

Verily, it is good to have faithful minions, especially in that they are well-versed in arcane administrative lore. Enjoy thy course and perform well thy homework, successful Aspirant. Consider this well in the dark hours of the morning when thou wishest thou hadst slunk back to thy desk in failure, and be comforted.

[spride.livejournal.com]

27. But the lord thy god is a capricious and angry one

28. And he smiteth the worshippers of Baal, who are know to men as CUNY/CIS. Being rendered into the profane speech of mortals they are yclept "those fucking cunts". In His smiting he scruples not to measure the iron idols of IBM from the obols of the red-hatted.

29. And thus it came to pass that the passage out of whatever fucking random mess of shit the tribe useth for LDAP unto the Caanan of iPlanet 6.3 was not.

30. And there was weeping and wailing in the land of the hunter folk, yea unto the hourly staff.

31. And they to each other quoth, "The fucking portal's fucking down again!"

32. And eSIMS was there not; so frustateth he those who would eat from the tree of Knowledge.

Here endeth the Second Lesson. Thy God fucking hateth thee.

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

My God hateth everyone else. I got in fine. I HAVE SCREENSHOTS TO PROVE IT but not here

[otherwise-nyc.livejournal.com]

You win at registration! Also, storytelling. :)

[fivetonsflax.livejournal.com]

Glad you found your Overt Ally. Don't forget to keep some Covert Allies in reserve.

[xlerb.livejournal.com]

Yay for rejoicing, and also the manner of the writeup.

[missionista.livejournal.com]

Very funny! Glad you made it into the class.

[lillilah]

And lo the friends of the Aspirant did rejoice and marvel at her perseverance.

[nancaurelia.livejournal.com]

Well done, and well told.

So might there be any connection between your desire to learn Italian and your recent reading of "Eat, Pray, Love" I wonder?

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

Actually, it's not--I had already planned to take either Italian or French, and it just so happened that Italian was being offered at a useful time. :)

[jayeye.livejournal.com]

You should have consulted the Book of Armaments and lobbed a few Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch at them