Feeding my head

Last night was the lecture by Michel Pastoureau on "How is a History of Colors Possible?" at the Bard Graduate Center. (This is where Beth is doing her PhD.)

I was pretty blown away. I mean, it was a brief (maybe hour and change) lecture, and mostly about the problems of doing the research than the research itself (he has many books for that, after all); but the matters Pastoureau has been looking at for the past 20 years is exactly what I'm interested in. I was all fired up to go apply to grad school myself.

--And that's something I've thought of before. But here's the thing: Grad school is fucking expensive. I see the kind of debt that accumulates, and our joint income is probably too high for me to get jack shit for financial aid. I could keep working, and then have no life whatsoever for N years. And then once I were to get this shiny prize, what do I do with it? I'd be a crap teacher; I'm legendary for my bad explanations. (I did talk to Beth's friend Lori at the reception about this; she's doing her dissertation on fashion in the 14th century now. She intends to keep her day job, and just research & publish. Hmm.) And then there's the point that I'm getting to the move-or-die point with respect to spawning. If I'm gonna do it, I'd best be doing it soon; and I am reasonably confident I would be driven mad in purple linen if I tried to be a mother AND work AND go to grad school. Just attempting any two of those is Herculean.

But, even if I do not dive headlong into the academic mire, I know that I want to buy and devour this man's books.