he won't post it, so I will

[serinde]

Herewith, dariodevil's polemic on the problems with the more recent takes on Superman (Jeph Loeb, I'm looking at you, you talentless hack).


(11:04:20) Dariodevil: Everyone who doesn't like Superman loves Morrison's Superman. In particular, people love how "the disguise works!" because clumsy dorky Clark Kent slouches so much and looks different and all that.
(11:04:40) Dariodevil: And everyone keeps pointing to the old stuff, the Weisinger stuff, about how THAT'S Superman, that's how it's supposed to be.
(11:04:45) Dariodevil: The stuff the Onion commented on.
(11:05:02) Dariodevil: The stuff that made everyone hate the character by the time the fucking '78 film came out.
(11:05:09) Dariodevil: You know what I remember?
(11:05:39) Dariodevil: I remember the early '90s, when it was widely known that the weekly Superman books were, pound for pound, the best all-around superhero title ever, with a tight continuity and a good supporting cast and a contemporary take on a classic character.
(11:06:13) Dariodevil: All the barnacles were cleaned off the battleship, as John Byrne wanted. The mythos had been streamlined, so its aspects were not punchlines.
(11:06:36) Dariodevil: There were no superpets, no many varieties of kryptonite, no endless supply of kryptonians, no "disguise," none of it.
(11:06:42) Dariodevil: And the loud minority keep screaming.
(11:06:45) Dariodevil: Over and over and over.
(11:06:49) Dariodevil: About how Superman's lost his way.
(11:07:03) Dariodevil: My fucking Superman was a better CHARACTER. He made for better STORIES.
(11:07:09) Dariodevil: But everyone wants him to be a certain way.
(11:07:16) Dariodevil: And then when he is, after six months, they won't care.
(11:07:41) Dariodevil: And then I'll be stuck with fucking dogs in capes and rainbow-colored kryptonite and once again having to defend "an archaic, obselete, tired character that has no relevance in the 21st century."
(11:07:44) Dariodevil: OH, WAIT.
(11:07:48) Dariodevil: IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED.

Comments

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Everyone who doesn't like Superman loves Morrison's Superman.

For the record, despite my ambivalence toward the big blue creampuff in general, I detest Morrison's Superman. I suspect that it's more for the crapfest "story" that was All-Star Superman #1.

It was a goddamn mission to the surface of the motherfucking SUN. Fuck realism, right? this is DYNAMIC! W00T!

Oh, and the slouching was teh ghey.

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

(I have no comment on All-Star, specifically, as I haven't read it yet. I do find the sentiment generally applicable to the other stuff going on in what they are pleased to call Superman canon these days.)

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Big Blue Creampuff >>>> Whiny Rodent Mama's Boy.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Lately?

Yeah. thought not.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Um, RUCKA.

Yeah. Thought so. :-D

Although the Jason Todd arc in the core title is great. "City of Crime" has turned into Bats' own "For Tomorrow," sadly. Except the art sucks Republican cock.

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

I think the real Superman/Batman title should be the adventures of the two of you.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

As long as we're not written by Loeb.

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't wish Loeb-as-writer on anyone I considered sleeping with liked.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Nor would I. Mostly because I'm afraid of what a Loeb sex scene would be like.

She slowly pulled back the covers to reveal her naked body, glistening with desire for her beloved. Also, kryptonite. Seven different multicolored kinds. Also, she had tentacles. Seven of them. And did I mention the dog?

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

We need a Grant Morrison arc, where the human concept of "cities" are revealed to be an alien conceptual virus that forces those infected to recreate itself, masterminded by a mad, undead diety seeking to make Earth another organ in its bio-mechanical fourth-dimensional body!!

AND WE NEED TO TEAM-UP WITH OUR GOLDEN AGE SELVES ALONG THE WAY!!! :D

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to visualize Golden Age Dario.

I am failing.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

He's like regular Dario, except he dresses more flamboyantly. And he makes fun of the Japanese.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Golden Age Dario was last seen kicking slanty-eyed yellow devil ass, Slam Bradley-style, while asking readers to buy war bonds.

And he doesn't dress flamboyantly. He dresses like a newsboy!

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

And newsboys dress flamboyantly.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get rid of my spitcurl with loads of expensive hair gel. I'd better take off my bright Hawaiian shirt to make sure it doesn't get greasy.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

It's a good thing they were all hidden away inside Victor after the Crisis in Infinite Mexicos.

I hope they didn't drink the water.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

The geekery level of this convo just hit Defcon 3. Beautiful.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Remember when your wife went insane and killed my wife?

That,s right, Tori. i'm single. ;)

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

She's not dead, dude. She was reanimated and serves as the vessel for Krakatoa, Lord of the Un-Living. She has this great hat that looks like a golden Christmas tree. :)

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

We're seperated.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Mind if I take her out on a date?

Undead chicks in ornate hats give me mahogany.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Nah. Not a problem. But if she tells you that she's having a magical evening, you might want to duck.

[syringavulgaris.livejournal.com]

So, let's see, now we just have to have your husband go insane and kill my husband, and we're all set! OUR LOVE WILL BE ETERNAL!!~

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Rucka's Batman >>> Rucka's Superman

After reading All-Star Superman again, I sat down and read All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder again. It magically became palatable.

And I'd comment on "City of Crime", but honestly, I've been buying the issues and just putting them away without reading them. Sigh.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Rucka's Batman >>> Rucka's Superman
EAT SHIT AND DIE.

After reading All-Star Superman again, I sat down and read All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder again. It magically became palatable.
NOTHING makes the infamous "Are you retarded?!" scene palatable. I'm holding out for the revelation that the events of #2 were because of the gas Bats used on Dick. But even with that taken into account, there's a predatory pedophile vibe from Bruce Wayne that's not subtle at all. It makes the book uncomfortable.

And I'd comment on "City of Crime", but honestly, I've been buying the issues and just putting them away without reading them. Sigh.
Wow, ditto. I plan on reading it all in one sitting, though.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

EAT SHIT AND DIE.

Hey, you read OMAC. I heart Rucka.

NOTHING makes the infamous "Are you retarded?!" scene palatable. I'm holding out for the revelation that the events of #2 were because of the gas Bats used on Dick. But even with that taken into account, there's a predatory pedophile vibe from Bruce Wayne that's not subtle at all. It makes the book uncomfortable.

And I still prefer it over "OH NOES! Our mission to the surface of the SUN somehow inexplicably ent wrong!!1!!

I hope Clark ask Lois marry him.

Wow, ditto. I plan on reading it all in one sitting, though.

Same here. I gave up on reading each issue after I realized that issue 4 had zero to do with issue 1.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Hey, you read OMAC. I heart Rucka.
That wasn't a Batstory. That was a DCU story. Bats was just a central figure. You know, 'cause it was all his fault. :D

And I still prefer it over "OH NOES! Our mission to the surface of the SUN somehow inexplicably went wrong!!1!!
Yeah, well, you Batfans have a higher tolerance for pedophilia subtext than normal people. :D

I hope Clark ask Lois marry him.
Has it been three years already? And yet... it's still funny.

I'll explain it later, Tori.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

That wasn't a Batstory. That was a DCU story. Bats was just a central figure. You know, 'cause it was all his fault. :D

Hey, his paranoia was justified. JUSTIFIED! *whimper*

Yeah, well, you Batfans have a higher tolerance for pedophilia subtext than normal people. :D

That wa suncalled for. So was this:

Daredevil - The hero with such a complex emotional subtext that the only possible choice to play him was Ben Affleck.

Has it been three years already? And yet... it's still funny.

The classics never die. Except during some sort of Crisis.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Daredevil - The hero with such a complex emotional subtext that the only possible choice to play him was Ben Affleck.


OWN3D!!1

(This is never going to end, is it?)

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

I was too lazy to find a decent picture of Affleck's Daredevil or Dean Cain's Superman. Also, afraid of what other homobat pictures you undoubtedly have bookmarked and view thirty times a day.

[dariodevil.livejournal.com]

Thirty-eight times a day.

Down from fifty-two, due to the scabbing.

[dkfromtk.livejournal.com]

Buy a decent moisturizer. It works wonders, and returns the baby-like softness to your junk.