Yay more crazy.

[serinde]

I continue periodic daily moments of losing my shit, either to the weepy or the uncontrollably furious, over incredibly minor and unimportant matters; sense of proportion would appear to be something that happens to other people right now. After various sharing of woe and strategy planning with patient & kindly listeners, this week I've been on a program of exercise (I make sure to do at least 20 min. on the elliptical on days when I don't have physical therapy for my shoulder, which is to say, every other day) and good diet. So far, it doesn't seem to have helped much. In fact, yesterday I took a half-hour walk at lunch with Beth, and by the time I got home I was more uncontrollably twitchy than if I hadn't exercised in two weeks. So, okay, to the elliptical. I went for over fifteen minutes on that, getting more and more agitated as I went on, until I was practically running on the thing while getting alternating flashes of crying fits and red fury. Gave over, went upstairs, collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to muster some measure of control, where Steve found me when he came in to change. We talked for a bit (extra gold star for Supportive-Husband-Man), though came to no particular conclusions. And then I was fine for the rest of the evening (except the very end when I was dog-tired and just utterly out of bits--dariodevil gets the cookie for cleaning up after that one).

I would like my sanity back. I would like my control back. I am disgusted with my behavior and there doesn't seem to be any reasonable cause for it and it's not as if I have any excuse to be a basket case. I'm trying to employ techniques suggested by various people, like redirecting thoughts and deep breathing and achieving Zen and whatnot (many of which I ordinarily use with some success), but during these Moments the emotional strobe light is set so fast it only works in half-second increments.

This too shall pass. I just want it to pass FASTER. And I want to know how to do something, anything, to affect it.

Comments

[briony530.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's holiday stress? All the frenzy and running around and doing stuff followed by the "it's over and I barely got to enjoy it" feeling. I'm just thinking of what you said recently about too much fun in your fun. The holidays just took your already full brain and overbooked it completely and now your cerebellum resembles an airport lounge full of angry travelers who just found out they can't get home?

We have fun tomorrow night and give many hugs to you!!!